Why Maintenance Sex Is So Important in a Happy Marriage

Maintenance sex may not seem like the happiest thing in the world, but it’s vital to the health of your relationship. When we say maintenance sex, we mean having sex just to have sex, even if you don’t feel like doing it. This means maintaining sex to sexually satisfy both people in the relationship.

Sometimes your partner wants to have it and all you want to do is find your latest Netflix obsession. Sex seems time consuming and annoying. Or maybe your partner always seems very tired or stressed out when you really want to have sex. In long-term relationships, it’s important to have sex, even if you’re not Randy. The kind of sex you’re having shouldn’t be the only maintenance sex, but it absolutely should be on the menu.

There will always be two different sex drives in a relationship

There are inevitably times in a relationship when one partner wants to have sex and the other doesn’t. It is rare for two people to have a matching sex drive. It does happen sometimes, but expecting that your partner always wants the right amount of sex as you do isn’t particularly practical.

According with brides.com – In order to make up for the difference, compromises need to be made. The partner with the higher libido must have realistic expectations, while the partner with the lower libido needs to do the same. This is where maintenance sex comes into play.

We have been given the idea that we should only have sex when we are “in the mood”. This is how incomplete, sexless marriages happen. One partner is not “in the mood” and doesn’t think she should be, and so the partner with the high libido feels embarrassed to have sex. It leaves one partner feeling nervous for sex all the time and the other feeling pathetic for wanting it – not a healthy relationship.

You Won’t Regret Having It
Maintenance sex is designed to keep both partners content. When you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, you won’t regret putting in the extra effort to have sex. If your partner really wants you and you just go for it, you’ll feel better afterward.

Obviously, if this is the only way you’re having sex, there is a problem. If you feel fully sexually unsatisfied or are experiencing an unusually prolonged dip in libido, that is a separate issue and you should address it with your therapist or health-care provider. Sex is like going to the gym: You don’t want to do it before, but once you suck it up and hit the elliptical, you feel amazing afterward.

You Need to Show Up for Your Partner, and Vice Versa
In relationships, you need to show up for your partner. This goes back to that “shame” thing; we think if one person doesn’t want to have sex, we shouldn’t have sex. Sometimes you need to show up for your partner and be engaged. If you need your partner to make you feel desired, he or she should be willing to do that for you. Sex is a principal part of happy relationships.

Tips – Both partners need to be willing to show up for each other and put in the effort. Everyone in a relationship deserves to feel sexy, safe, and happy. Have sex and make a commitment to keep having sex through all of life’s changes, ups, and downs.

It Breeds Intimacy
Sex breeds intimacy. Orgasms release oxytocin, the feel-good bonding hormone in your body. Sex helps you feel closer to your partner. It is the most intimate physical act you and your partner can experience. Without it, it’s easy to lose sight of your connection. Relationships and a healthy sex life take constant work. You have to check in with each other and take the temperature of your relationship on a regular basis.

Having sex, feeling your partner on top of you, the scent of his or her skin brings you back into that loving mind-set. Don’t skip out on it just because you’re tired from work and would rather watch television. Having maintenance sex will remind both of you what you mean to each other. Always take an opportunity to work sex into your schedule. The more you have it, the happier you’ll be. Trust us.